Are You a Nerd, Geek, Dork, or Stalker?

I stumbled across this taxonomy recently and couldn’t stop laughing because it perfectly explains why some of us thrive at Scrum conferences while others need a three-day recovery period after a single sprint planning session.

Here’s the breakdown:

The Three Sacred Attributes:

• Smart (IQ)
• Socially Awkward
• Obsessed

Mix them differently, and you get entirely different species:

• NERD = Smart + Socially Awkward + Obsessed (all three)
• GEEK = Smart + Obsessed (but socially fluent)
• DORK = Smart + Socially Awkward (but no obsession)
• STALKER = Socially Awkward + Obsessed (minus the smart part)

The kicker? “Nerds don’t go to conventions because there are people there. We don’t hang out with humans unless you pay us.” :))

As someone who’s spent 20+ years in IT leadership and trained thousands of Agile/Scrum students, I’ve seen all four types in action during sprint retrospectives. Let me help you figure out which one you are.

The Agile Professional Self-Assessment

Step 1: Are you SMART?

Test: During sprint planning, when someone suggests an 8-point story, do you:

• A) Immediately calculate the team’s historical velocity and predict sprint capacity overflow? ✓ SMART
• B) Nod enthusiastically while secretly planning your lunch order? ✗ NOT SMART

Step 2: Are you SOCIALLY AWKWARD?

Test: At the daily standup, when asked “What did you do yesterday?” do you:

• A) Give a concise 30-second update and make eye contact? ✗ NOT AWKWARD
• B) Deliver a 10-minute monologue about your database schema refactoring while everyone stares at their shoes? ✓ AWKWARD

Alternative test: Do you attend Agile conferences?

• For the content and networking? ✗ NOT AWKWARD
• Because your company made you and you spend the whole time in your hotel room ordering room service? ✓ AWKWARD

Step 3: Are you OBSESSED?

Test: On a Friday night, are you:

• A) Binge-watching Netflix like a normal human? ✗ NOT OBSESSED
• B) Reading Scrum Guide footnotes, debating whether SAFe is “real Agile,” or building a custom Jira plugin nobody asked for? ✓ OBSESSED

Real-World Examples From My Career

The Classic NERD: Senior architect who built an elegant microservices solution that’s absolutely brilliant but refuses to present it to stakeholders. “Just send them the documentation.” Spoiler: Nobody reads the documentation.

The Obvious GEEK: That Scrum Master who’s memorized every framework, attends every conference, runs a YouTube channel about Agile, and somehow still has energy to organize team-building activities. (Yes, I might be describing myself here. I’ve made peace with it.)

The Lovable DORK: Technically brilliant developer who can’t help but correct the Scrum Master mid-retrospective: ‘Actually, it’s Scrum framework, not Scrum methodology.’ They’re not wrong. They’re also eating lunch alone. Again.

The Stalker: That person who isn’t on your Scrum team but somehow always appears in your Sprint Reviews, asking oddly specific questions about your burndown chart from three sprints ago. They’ve memorized your vacation schedule. They have… theories.

Where I Landed

Over 20 years in IT, my work wasn’t just about creating valuable courses and demo pages for each; it was about finally accepting my fate: I’m a GEEK.

• Smart? Check. (Master’s degree + 70+ certifications, though who’s counting?)
• Obsessed? Absolutely. (I run multiple websites, teach thousands of students, and genuinely enjoy reading about knowledge management frameworks on weekends.)
• Socially awkward? Nope. I actually enjoy conferences, training sessions, and yes, even stakeholder meetings. I know, I know-it’s weird.

The dead giveaway? I voluntarily go to Scrum gatherings. Not because I’m paid to (though that helps), but because I genuinely want to geek out about Agile transformations with other obsessed people.

Nerds attend conferences for the paycheck. Geeks attend for the hallway conversations about whether story points should be fibonacci or linear. We are not the same.

Your Turn

Now that you’ve seen the framework and run through the assessment, where do you land?

Drop a comment below:

• Are you a NERD who’s only reading this because it’s technically work-related research?
• A GEEK who’s already planning their next blog post about this taxonomy?
• A DORK who wants to create a formal certification program for this classification system?
• Or… should we be worried about you?

And if you’re thinking “I might be a dork-stalker hybrid,” congratulations-you’ve achieved what we call “senior management material.”

Let’s see those results! Bonus points if you share specific Agile scenarios that gave away your category.

P.S. If you calculated your exact position using a weighted algorithm, you’re definitely in the nerd/geek zone. Welcome home.